So I gave up on this blog for a long time. But I realized today when I comment on other people's blogs and Google asks me if I want to sign in, it links to my Google profile, and to this blog. EEK! People are going to come and read it!
So, if anyone new is reading this, I do not blog regularly anymore. I have mixed feelings about sharing my life with people- sometimes it sounds like a great idea, other times I want to unplug myself and go wander in the desert for a while. I vacillate back and forth. One email from my mother's ex-boyfriend (WTF? Is my personal email even on here?) saying he'd read my blog and wanted to catch up was enough weirdness to say, "I'm outta here!" for over a year.
This blog (for now) is basically a time capsule. I'm not going to write more about my personal life (much) because it changes too fast. I might pop in and say something once in a while, but don't hold your breath. 'kay?
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Whoa... I have a reader?
I haven't decided on a title for this post yet- hopefully something will come to mind by the time I finish it. I have decided to try writing some more after noticing I actually got a REAL COMMENT from someone not in my family, yay! So now I ought to keep going...
The Dog Scene:
Sampson no longer smells horrible! Since switching to Diamond Naturals Lamb and Rice, which is free of corn, wheat, and chicken (has chicken fat, but not meat) he is not stinking up the house and making me wash my hands after touching him. I'm very pleased. But the downside is that it gives him horrible gas- we traded one smell for the other. Me, I'd rather have a farty dog than a greasy, doggy-smelling one, but that's me. Seems like stepdad John is not happy about the gassing of the house, but then he didn't seem to mind the original stink much. We'll be trying some other foods to see whether it was corn, wheat, or chicken that make him smell. Next bag will be Nutra Nuggets Lamb and Rice, it has no corn or chicken, but does have wheat, so I'll know right away if that's the culprit.
Other dog news... We got a Furminator! I thought it was ridiculous how much they cost, so I never even wanted one before. On a whim, I checked ebay for them, and whaddya know, it was only 15.00 WITH shipping. Nice! So I ordered it. The first time I brushed Bruno with it, I got a wad of hair the size of a large cat. He seems to be blowing his coat in December, which is odd to me. But then again, we don't have harsh winters here, so maybe his biological reflex wasn't triggered until late in the fall? Sampson has barely any undercoat to begin with, so not much off of him, but he LOVES to be "furminated", which I find funny. Bruno hates it, and he's the one who actually needs the brushing! Funny how their coats can look superficially similar (black, smooth, shiny, lies close to the body) and actually be SO different.
Not-dog news... I am still working at Old Navy, and today was NOT a good day. It felt like I was constantly being corrected for stupid stuff by the manager, and she always managed to see me either doing something wrong, or staring into space (hey, it happens to us ADD kids) when I think I was actually fairly productive. Life's not fair, I know. It doesn't help that I have no love for the clothing business... if it was up to me, we'd all be running around half-naked in animal skins. But the march of history goes on, sadly.... I have to go to Rabbitstick Rendezvous to get my caveman fix, I guess.
Also, my laptop died. It was weeks ago, before Thanksgiving. (Have I mentioned this already?) I'd had it for FIVE YEARS. That's a dinosaur in computer years. I think it was a major hard drive crash, but I have no money to fix it. I'm sad because all my pictures of Ginger were on that hard drive, and a music collection that took years to collect, and had thousands of songs- it will be very hard to duplicate (especially since I didn't pay for any of it.) So hopefully when I get it looked at, it can be fixed, or at least salvage that stuff.
The Dog Scene:
Sampson no longer smells horrible! Since switching to Diamond Naturals Lamb and Rice, which is free of corn, wheat, and chicken (has chicken fat, but not meat) he is not stinking up the house and making me wash my hands after touching him. I'm very pleased. But the downside is that it gives him horrible gas- we traded one smell for the other. Me, I'd rather have a farty dog than a greasy, doggy-smelling one, but that's me. Seems like stepdad John is not happy about the gassing of the house, but then he didn't seem to mind the original stink much. We'll be trying some other foods to see whether it was corn, wheat, or chicken that make him smell. Next bag will be Nutra Nuggets Lamb and Rice, it has no corn or chicken, but does have wheat, so I'll know right away if that's the culprit.
Other dog news... We got a Furminator! I thought it was ridiculous how much they cost, so I never even wanted one before. On a whim, I checked ebay for them, and whaddya know, it was only 15.00 WITH shipping. Nice! So I ordered it. The first time I brushed Bruno with it, I got a wad of hair the size of a large cat. He seems to be blowing his coat in December, which is odd to me. But then again, we don't have harsh winters here, so maybe his biological reflex wasn't triggered until late in the fall? Sampson has barely any undercoat to begin with, so not much off of him, but he LOVES to be "furminated", which I find funny. Bruno hates it, and he's the one who actually needs the brushing! Funny how their coats can look superficially similar (black, smooth, shiny, lies close to the body) and actually be SO different.
Not-dog news... I am still working at Old Navy, and today was NOT a good day. It felt like I was constantly being corrected for stupid stuff by the manager, and she always managed to see me either doing something wrong, or staring into space (hey, it happens to us ADD kids) when I think I was actually fairly productive. Life's not fair, I know. It doesn't help that I have no love for the clothing business... if it was up to me, we'd all be running around half-naked in animal skins. But the march of history goes on, sadly.... I have to go to Rabbitstick Rendezvous to get my caveman fix, I guess.
Also, my laptop died. It was weeks ago, before Thanksgiving. (Have I mentioned this already?) I'd had it for FIVE YEARS. That's a dinosaur in computer years. I think it was a major hard drive crash, but I have no money to fix it. I'm sad because all my pictures of Ginger were on that hard drive, and a music collection that took years to collect, and had thousands of songs- it will be very hard to duplicate (especially since I didn't pay for any of it.) So hopefully when I get it looked at, it can be fixed, or at least salvage that stuff.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Aaaaagghhh...
It's been too long again. Lots of things happening too.
SO... I DID find a job. Yippee skippee! It's at Old Navy. So far so good, coworkers are nice to the newbie, managers are a mixed group, some are impatient and bossy, others are nice and helpful. I wonder how it is people end up on that track... Our name badges also have "number of years with company" printed on them, some people's (not even managers) have as many as 5 or 7 years. I guess they find it fulfilling. So far I find it okay, but really not what I want for my life's accomplishment. I don't want to be 10 or 20 years down the road, and still trying to sell cheap Chinese-made clothing to the masses. (Though I have to tell you, the company is VERY emphatic they do NOT use sweatshops to make their clothes, thankyouverymuch.) If I want to stay on past the Christmas season, I will have to reapply for a permanent position- hopefully I can get one.
On the dog front... Bruno is doing VERY well with not chasing teh kitties. Haven't had to zap him for anything in over a month. He will still stare daggers at them, but doesn't chase them, even if they run and make a big fuss about it. John (my stepdad) jokes a lot about getting a third dog, and I think "be careful what you wish for... it might come true." I wonder how we would cope with a third. I would LOVE to raise a puppy "from scratch" but no way is it a good time now. Lack of money is the prime problem. I also wonder if I am actually suited to own more than one personal dog, I like having all my attention focused on Bruno. Maybe we'll see in a few years when he starts to get old and grumpy.
In other news... Thanksgiving went amazingly well here at la casa de los gatos. Time was appropriately managed, there were no food disasters, stony silences, or other common holiday pitfalls. the house looked nice, good thing no one went upstairs and saw the tornado zone that is the bedrooms and office. Dogs behaved themselves (mostly) didn't steal the turkey or barf up anything on the nice rugs. No allergic guests, thank goodness. Dogs each got a plate of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, and cranberry sauce in lieu of kibble for dinner. No greasy squirts in the night, yay! They both seem to have very robust digestive systems, thank goodness. "Dear God, I am thankful my dogs didn't have diarrhea from all the junk food they got today. Amen," I wanted to say. Is that sacrilege?
Gratitude. It's what's for dinner.
SO... I DID find a job. Yippee skippee! It's at Old Navy. So far so good, coworkers are nice to the newbie, managers are a mixed group, some are impatient and bossy, others are nice and helpful. I wonder how it is people end up on that track... Our name badges also have "number of years with company" printed on them, some people's (not even managers) have as many as 5 or 7 years. I guess they find it fulfilling. So far I find it okay, but really not what I want for my life's accomplishment. I don't want to be 10 or 20 years down the road, and still trying to sell cheap Chinese-made clothing to the masses. (Though I have to tell you, the company is VERY emphatic they do NOT use sweatshops to make their clothes, thankyouverymuch.) If I want to stay on past the Christmas season, I will have to reapply for a permanent position- hopefully I can get one.
On the dog front... Bruno is doing VERY well with not chasing teh kitties. Haven't had to zap him for anything in over a month. He will still stare daggers at them, but doesn't chase them, even if they run and make a big fuss about it. John (my stepdad) jokes a lot about getting a third dog, and I think "be careful what you wish for... it might come true." I wonder how we would cope with a third. I would LOVE to raise a puppy "from scratch" but no way is it a good time now. Lack of money is the prime problem. I also wonder if I am actually suited to own more than one personal dog, I like having all my attention focused on Bruno. Maybe we'll see in a few years when he starts to get old and grumpy.
In other news... Thanksgiving went amazingly well here at la casa de los gatos. Time was appropriately managed, there were no food disasters, stony silences, or other common holiday pitfalls. the house looked nice, good thing no one went upstairs and saw the tornado zone that is the bedrooms and office. Dogs behaved themselves (mostly) didn't steal the turkey or barf up anything on the nice rugs. No allergic guests, thank goodness. Dogs each got a plate of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, and cranberry sauce in lieu of kibble for dinner. No greasy squirts in the night, yay! They both seem to have very robust digestive systems, thank goodness. "Dear God, I am thankful my dogs didn't have diarrhea from all the junk food they got today. Amen," I wanted to say. Is that sacrilege?
Gratitude. It's what's for dinner.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
3.3%
That's the percentage of people who apply for holiday temp jobs will actually get them, according to the CS Monitor. There are 30 times more job seekers than jobs! I've been thinking this whole job search thing I'm doing is an exercise in futility (I know you're thinking, welcome to the real world, kid!) and I'd be better off working on my art to try to sell something before Christmas.
I think I might go to plan B, which is: forget this job business. Beg family for money so I can go back to school and finish my degree. No monkeying around this time.
I could also try to get back into modeling, but since I've developed a distaste for it, that might be hard. I am still getting hits every day on my modelmayhem profile, I think I could probably make some money pretty quick if I could get over being objectified by horny old men...
Somewhere along the line, I missed my train, it feels like. Everyone else my age is actually doing something, something way more cool than me (at least it feels that way...)
I think I might go to plan B, which is: forget this job business. Beg family for money so I can go back to school and finish my degree. No monkeying around this time.
I could also try to get back into modeling, but since I've developed a distaste for it, that might be hard. I am still getting hits every day on my modelmayhem profile, I think I could probably make some money pretty quick if I could get over being objectified by horny old men...
Somewhere along the line, I missed my train, it feels like. Everyone else my age is actually doing something, something way more cool than me (at least it feels that way...)
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Perfection
I think we as humans tend to follow the rule that familiarity breeds, not contempt, but fondness. The things we like the best are those we know the best, and unconsciously our patterns of love (and hate) follow not what is rational, but what is familiar.
I could get all depressing on this and talk about why racism and sexism and suchlike are a natural extension of this tendency, but it's not what I want to do today. What I want to write about is that it just hit me today- Bruno is a beautiful dog. He's canine perfection, and I couldn't get a handsomer companion. (Let me explain before you dismiss me as a fanatic.)
All this whole time I've had him I've been comparing him to Ginger, and usually unfavorably- Ginger had brown eyes so dark they looked black, so Bruno's are not as soulful and intelligent-looking because they are orange-brown instead. Ginger was slim and streamlined, Bruno is therefore not as graceful because he is stocky and muscular. Ginger's tail hung low most of the time, therefore Bruno is not as pretty with his curly tail. And so on. Every time I thought about his physical appearance, I compared him to Ginger, and since Ginger was the first dog I ever owned and really connected with, my brain pattern of what beauty is in dogs was based on her. I didn't admit this to anyone publicly- I didn't want to look like a jerk or a snob.
It's taken a nearly a year to retrain my brain to find Bruno attractive. Whenever people told me, "What a handsome dog you have!" I'd smile and thank them, figuring they were just being nice. I thought of him as a nice enough dog, but not a pretty one. I saw him as a hodgepodge of parts from different breeds because of his mongrel ancestry, and not as an integrated whole. I'd think, "Hmm, I like his ears, but they should be set a little higher on his head," or "I like the shape of his muzzle, but his lips are too loose and flappy."
Last week I took him for a run on the bike path along the lower Clackamas River in Oregon City, and we passed a full-blooded German Shepherd. The thought popped into my head- "My dog is way better put-together and handsome than that one!" And today I felt nothing but pride seeing him lying out in the yard. This is a really new feeling for me. Sometimes in the past I had to force myself to see the good in him, with all the trouble he's caused, sticking with him because I owe it to him, but today love comes easily.
A miracle.
I could get all depressing on this and talk about why racism and sexism and suchlike are a natural extension of this tendency, but it's not what I want to do today. What I want to write about is that it just hit me today- Bruno is a beautiful dog. He's canine perfection, and I couldn't get a handsomer companion. (Let me explain before you dismiss me as a fanatic.)
All this whole time I've had him I've been comparing him to Ginger, and usually unfavorably- Ginger had brown eyes so dark they looked black, so Bruno's are not as soulful and intelligent-looking because they are orange-brown instead. Ginger was slim and streamlined, Bruno is therefore not as graceful because he is stocky and muscular. Ginger's tail hung low most of the time, therefore Bruno is not as pretty with his curly tail. And so on. Every time I thought about his physical appearance, I compared him to Ginger, and since Ginger was the first dog I ever owned and really connected with, my brain pattern of what beauty is in dogs was based on her. I didn't admit this to anyone publicly- I didn't want to look like a jerk or a snob.
It's taken a nearly a year to retrain my brain to find Bruno attractive. Whenever people told me, "What a handsome dog you have!" I'd smile and thank them, figuring they were just being nice. I thought of him as a nice enough dog, but not a pretty one. I saw him as a hodgepodge of parts from different breeds because of his mongrel ancestry, and not as an integrated whole. I'd think, "Hmm, I like his ears, but they should be set a little higher on his head," or "I like the shape of his muzzle, but his lips are too loose and flappy."
Last week I took him for a run on the bike path along the lower Clackamas River in Oregon City, and we passed a full-blooded German Shepherd. The thought popped into my head- "My dog is way better put-together and handsome than that one!" And today I felt nothing but pride seeing him lying out in the yard. This is a really new feeling for me. Sometimes in the past I had to force myself to see the good in him, with all the trouble he's caused, sticking with him because I owe it to him, but today love comes easily.
A miracle.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
okay, I'm a deadbeat
I did say that I would try to keep up with this, but my old demons have caught up with me:
1. Who's reading this anyhow? Why should anyone care? (And yes, I know you're there, Mom, but you don't need to read a blog to know how I'm doing and what I'm up to.) I don't do anything that interesting, and writing about my dog is not going to gain me readers (everyone knows that no one loves your dog as much as you do- it's pretty much a given.)
2. On the off chance that I DO become successful and gain regular readers, I'm going to have to deal with malicious comments and personal attacks. I see this all the time on my favorite blogs I read- vicious, ignorant commenters. I wonder how writers can stand it without falling apart, and some even remove their comment section entirely. I don't know if I'm strong enough.
3. Sheer laziness. I'm lazy, I'm the first person to admit it. I didn't feel like driving five miles to a wireless hotspot to get on the internet. It seems wasteful, and I hate driving for frivolous things (liberal guilt about polluting the environment with my inefficient old putt-putt of a car. I want to put a sign on the back that says "I'M SORRY I CAN'T GO ANY FASTER" to apologize to anyone who gets stuck behind me.)
But now that I'm here, I might as well give an update.
I am COMPLETELY out of money. I have 150 dollars in my bank account, and ZERO cash stashed anywhere else. Still figuring out what to do about this. Fortunately I have a very loving (and enabling) family that lets me live with them rent-free, so I don't have to worry about being kicked out on the street or starving, but it demands a re-think of my choices in the past, and what to do next.
Sad news on the pet-owning front: Maggie (my family's Aussie) killed our elderly barn cat, Clementine. It's a miracle Clementine made it to old age (16 years) in the first place, being an outside-only cat in a place with many predators, but she was tough. It was really hard to see her go in such a hideous way. Maggie flushed her out of the barn where Clementine slept during the day (she was entirely nocturnal, and therefore had no dealings with Maggie before) and grabbed the cat by the neck and shook her violently, over and over. But this didn't give Clementine a quick death (that would have been better.) I think poor Clementine actually suffocated from being carried by the neck for that long. Maggie ran all around the yard and refused to break her hold on the cat, while we humans screamed and ran after. It was just horrible. Finally Clementine stopped struggling and Maggie tried to cache her kill for later (like wild predators do) by burying it with leaves and mud. I swooped in and gathered up the bloody, muddy cat, but it was too late.
I buried her in the yard, and dragged a log and some rocks over the site so dogs or other animals can't dig her up. Clementine looked she was just curled up to rest and it was so hard to leave her in that hole and shovel dirt over her open eyes.
One spot of hope in that circus of horror was Bruno's behavior during the incident. While he was definitely an accomplice in flushing the cat out of her hiding place, when I went ballistic yelling and screaming and kicking Maggie, he got the heck out of there- ran right to the house and demanded to be let in. I didn't know this until it was all over, and I said, "I need to look for Bruno, I lost him in the confusion." I feel bad for scaring him like that, but it shows that his prey drive can be overruled. His desire to kill the cat was less than his fear of a loud, scary situation, so I have hope that if a similar thing happens again (God forbid) I could stop him from killing. Hopefully I will not have to find out.
And if anyone is curious, Maggie is a purebred Australian Shepherd, and no, Aussies are NOT supposed to be a "cat killer" breed. (That dubious honor goes to German Shepherds and Siberian Huskies.) I don't know if she is a genetic anomaly, or if this behavior developed because she was not introduced to cats as a puppy, and she has been rewarded for killing other animals in the past (rats and an opossum.)
1. Who's reading this anyhow? Why should anyone care? (And yes, I know you're there, Mom, but you don't need to read a blog to know how I'm doing and what I'm up to.) I don't do anything that interesting, and writing about my dog is not going to gain me readers (everyone knows that no one loves your dog as much as you do- it's pretty much a given.)
2. On the off chance that I DO become successful and gain regular readers, I'm going to have to deal with malicious comments and personal attacks. I see this all the time on my favorite blogs I read- vicious, ignorant commenters. I wonder how writers can stand it without falling apart, and some even remove their comment section entirely. I don't know if I'm strong enough.
3. Sheer laziness. I'm lazy, I'm the first person to admit it. I didn't feel like driving five miles to a wireless hotspot to get on the internet. It seems wasteful, and I hate driving for frivolous things (liberal guilt about polluting the environment with my inefficient old putt-putt of a car. I want to put a sign on the back that says "I'M SORRY I CAN'T GO ANY FASTER" to apologize to anyone who gets stuck behind me.)
But now that I'm here, I might as well give an update.
I am COMPLETELY out of money. I have 150 dollars in my bank account, and ZERO cash stashed anywhere else. Still figuring out what to do about this. Fortunately I have a very loving (and enabling) family that lets me live with them rent-free, so I don't have to worry about being kicked out on the street or starving, but it demands a re-think of my choices in the past, and what to do next.
Sad news on the pet-owning front: Maggie (my family's Aussie) killed our elderly barn cat, Clementine. It's a miracle Clementine made it to old age (16 years) in the first place, being an outside-only cat in a place with many predators, but she was tough. It was really hard to see her go in such a hideous way. Maggie flushed her out of the barn where Clementine slept during the day (she was entirely nocturnal, and therefore had no dealings with Maggie before) and grabbed the cat by the neck and shook her violently, over and over. But this didn't give Clementine a quick death (that would have been better.) I think poor Clementine actually suffocated from being carried by the neck for that long. Maggie ran all around the yard and refused to break her hold on the cat, while we humans screamed and ran after. It was just horrible. Finally Clementine stopped struggling and Maggie tried to cache her kill for later (like wild predators do) by burying it with leaves and mud. I swooped in and gathered up the bloody, muddy cat, but it was too late.
I buried her in the yard, and dragged a log and some rocks over the site so dogs or other animals can't dig her up. Clementine looked she was just curled up to rest and it was so hard to leave her in that hole and shovel dirt over her open eyes.
One spot of hope in that circus of horror was Bruno's behavior during the incident. While he was definitely an accomplice in flushing the cat out of her hiding place, when I went ballistic yelling and screaming and kicking Maggie, he got the heck out of there- ran right to the house and demanded to be let in. I didn't know this until it was all over, and I said, "I need to look for Bruno, I lost him in the confusion." I feel bad for scaring him like that, but it shows that his prey drive can be overruled. His desire to kill the cat was less than his fear of a loud, scary situation, so I have hope that if a similar thing happens again (God forbid) I could stop him from killing. Hopefully I will not have to find out.
And if anyone is curious, Maggie is a purebred Australian Shepherd, and no, Aussies are NOT supposed to be a "cat killer" breed. (That dubious honor goes to German Shepherds and Siberian Huskies.) I don't know if she is a genetic anomaly, or if this behavior developed because she was not introduced to cats as a puppy, and she has been rewarded for killing other animals in the past (rats and an opossum.)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Three Things
I just re-read the post about when to euthanize a dog on Ruffly Speaking, and though I've heard it before, she's a good writer, and puts it together well.
The most important thing, is to decide BEFORE your dog is old or sick, what gives him joy in life? You need to pick 3 things that give him the most pleasure, and if he gets to the point where he can do only one or none of those things anymore, it's time to let him go. If you decide before he gets sick, it's easier to have perspective later.
Since Bruno is in good health, I could pick his three things today:
1. Hunting (especially rodents in long grass)
2. Eating (especially cheese and liver and cookies)
3. Playing (especially ripping up kleenexes and tugging a rope)
If I could add a fourth and fifth, it would be going for walks, and greeting visitors. He gets very excited to do those things too.
Anyway, if at some point he gets to where he can still eat, but it hurts too much to walk, hunt, or play, I'll know it's time. Or if he will still go on walks, but has no enthusiasm for hunting or eating, I'll know it's time.
What are your dog's 3 things?
The most important thing, is to decide BEFORE your dog is old or sick, what gives him joy in life? You need to pick 3 things that give him the most pleasure, and if he gets to the point where he can do only one or none of those things anymore, it's time to let him go. If you decide before he gets sick, it's easier to have perspective later.
Since Bruno is in good health, I could pick his three things today:
1. Hunting (especially rodents in long grass)
2. Eating (especially cheese and liver and cookies)
3. Playing (especially ripping up kleenexes and tugging a rope)
If I could add a fourth and fifth, it would be going for walks, and greeting visitors. He gets very excited to do those things too.
Anyway, if at some point he gets to where he can still eat, but it hurts too much to walk, hunt, or play, I'll know it's time. Or if he will still go on walks, but has no enthusiasm for hunting or eating, I'll know it's time.
What are your dog's 3 things?
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